Mirror of the Soul
Reading list & Holiday reflections
Dear Reader,
How are you? Hope you are well fed and feeling connected to those you love. I managed to navigate the holiday, I was welcomed at the home of the Carroll family, who I’ve known since I was 13 years old. I felt the perfect amount of known- since they have seen me through all these different stages of life, having been my neighbors in the Bronx and now here we all are. I felt grateful to feel known, on a deeper level, it brought an ease into my body that I was missing.
I have always been great with other people’s families, forever the kid who wanted a friend’s mom to like me the most, to see something special in me. It just feels easier. With someone else’s family I can chat and be present, feel seen, am asked actual questions about my work and my life, (which can sometimes feel overwhelming) My experience of blood family has been something different- involved a lot of nodding, a lot of yelling, a lot of disappearing within myself. Hidden behind an ice wall that protects me from everything and everyone else.
At the Carroll household, we laughed about Tim Robinson sketches, talked about books and ate a huge beautiful meal. I made a very simple pumpkin pie with some store bought crust, the art of baking is a mystifying alchemy to me. Whenever I try it I must slow down to a comic degree and force my brain to follow the goddamn recipe- not skip a step, or leave out an important ingredient because I don’t have it or I don’t like the way it sounds. It’s like a stubborn child takes over who demands they know what they are doing when they most certainly do not.
Maude, whose lovely home we were at, lent me a book- Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders. I am adding it to my ever growing winter reading list, which I’ll gladly share with you. I’m starting a more regular reading practice after hopping around from book to book, trying to read nonfiction and never getting too cozy. My heart yearns always to be rocked by a great novel.
That’s where Martyr! enters the chat.. this book has taken over my brain. The writing is a miracle, I’ve underlined dozens of sections. I have been reading deep into the night but I want it all to go slower, I don’t want to say goodbye.
Here is a ever growing list of books that I am currently reading or plan to read.